Coming Back From the Silence: Part II

This morning I heard the persistent cardinal outside my window again.

There is never a shortage of feathered friends around our house; sometimes they can get quite noisy. This is especially the case recently, since we decided to hang a bird feeder from the tree in the front yard. There are usually a dozen, of different varieties, flapping and pecking and hopping and munching. Some resting on the feeder. Others perched in the tree branches, waiting their turn - not so patiently sometimes.

They are fun to watch.

But the redbirds... they are extra fun. For more than a year now, I've witnessed these redbirds attempt to fly into my window, smack their beaks on the glass,... sit back a little dazed.... and then try it again. And it's not just one window. It's several different windows in the front of the house, where this has occurred.

And I do not keep clean windows, people. I just don't.

Is this peculiar behavior just typical of cardinals, or are mine a little more ditzy than normal?

From time to time I will be sitting at the computer, or working in the kitchen, or folding clothes in the living room (or not folding clothes in the living room... that's more often the case) - and I'll hear the familiar...

'thunk'........... 'thunk'..................... 'thunk!'

When I heard it again this morning, I just laughed. Those silly birds keep 'thunk'-ing their beaks against the hard glass with no different result than the last 25 times they tried it. And still they go a' thunking.

I laugh at them, and yet.... just before I took my Blog Silence, I felt that way. Like I was striking my head repeatedly against a brick wall. (My hard head would probably break the window.)

Every day it was the same thing, all over again:

Needy Children

Tired Mommy

Piles of Laundry

Cranky Mommy

Hungry Children

Exasperated Mommy

Dirty Bathrooms

Overwhelmed Mommy

Fussy Children

Desperate Mommy

Late Dinner

Exhausted Mommy

Screaming Baby

Depressed Mommy

Piles of Clutter

Defeated Mommy

And tomorrow we get to wake up and do it all again!

I found myself spending more and more time on the computer, unconsciously seeking a soothing balm from the depths of cyber space to heal my battered soul.

I looked for help. How to get organized. How to cook healthful meals without spending the entire day in the kitchen. How to teach your children chores and good disciplines....

I frequented blogs where other homeschooling moms wrote about their daily goings-on.

Blog led to blog and link lead to ever-multiplying supply of links. Soon I found myself escaping the mundane or the overwhelm of my day by sitting in front of the computer more frequently, and for longer periods of time. If I had a question, the answer was a click away. If I needed to take my mind of my mess, relief would come in the lightening-fast speed that Time Warner cable connectivity could deliver.

Suddenly, I didn't just need to know about schedules and cleaning routines and homeschool curriculum... I needed to know about soap-making and cultured cheese... I needed to research different breeds of goats and how to raise chickens....

I would be standing at the counter, making lunch and suddenly need to research how I could make our own peanut butter.... oh, and where could I get the best deal on food grade buckets?

I would be folding a towel and suddenly need to look up bathroom decorating ideas or how to make hoodie-towels for the kids....

This insane behavior grew until I could hardly stop it.

I know it sounds crazy, ya'll - it was like I suddenly had ADD and an addiction.... an addiction to blogs and internet searches!

Sure, you're laughing now, but I bet you won't find it so funny when this newly-diagnosed disorder makes it into the DSM-IV.

Nevermind. You know I don't believe in psychology anymore. We'll save that topic for another post someday.

Anyway.... I was out of control. And more frustrated, impatient, and defeated than ever. I looked ahead to never-ending days of the same frustration and defeat. And I knew something had to change...

Stay tuned for Part III